today is Self-Pity day however.
or maybe my calendar is wrong.
i will celebrate anyways.
i'm not sexy, i'm not that pretty, i don't think i'm that fun. i'm not perfect.
and whenever i try i just fuck it up.
maybe if i just sat there. and didn't do anything. there wouldn't be anything worth noting.
nothing good. but nothing bad.
in a conversation. i'd only listen.
durring a movie. i'd just watch.
in school. i'd do both.
in human interaction i'd just smile slightly.
when someone touched me. i'd be still. or like an action figure.
then. i wouldn't make a mistake.
then maybe, i wouldn't have to worry.
then maybe. the only thing i'd have to think about in these times.
is the things that I made myself feel. or think.
the things that I caused to bring me down.
then when blaming myself. it wouldn't involve other people.
it wouldn't be an incident.
it would be me.
my imagination.
my paranoia.
my lonliness.
but not anything tangible.
i put myself down enough without any outside help.
i beleive it was said something like this.
"why are you so worried about your esteem around me?"
and i didn't know then. not really. i didn't think much of it.
i thought maybe i shouldn't be.
but i care too much.
i care too much about what he thinks of me.
i could care less about most of the rest of the world.
he is probably one of the only people whose opinion i care most.
care absolutely.
and i probably shouldn't take things so seriously.
but when someone like that. says something.
i know they're kidding. but. i think.
maybe it's true. even if they don't know it really is.
and when i do something stupid.
it always comes back to bite me in the ass.
for months at a time.
and it never goes away.
and so i can't try anything.
new or different.
because i'm so afraid i'll be dumb.
and screw it up.
or get myself hurt.
:P physically or otherwise.
some phrases i live by.
it is always my fault.
I am always wrong.
and
"i'm just a sensitive girl"
today sucks.
i'm cold.
i was sick this morning.
pudding is a killer.
so i'm gonna blame it on that.
oh. and those shoes you showed me Blooze, :) kickass!!
i saw those, WORK OF ART.
or maybe my calendar is wrong.
i will celebrate anyways.
i'm not sexy, i'm not that pretty, i don't think i'm that fun. i'm not perfect.
and whenever i try i just fuck it up.
maybe if i just sat there. and didn't do anything. there wouldn't be anything worth noting.
nothing good. but nothing bad.
in a conversation. i'd only listen.
durring a movie. i'd just watch.
in school. i'd do both.
in human interaction i'd just smile slightly.
when someone touched me. i'd be still. or like an action figure.
then. i wouldn't make a mistake.
then maybe, i wouldn't have to worry.
then maybe. the only thing i'd have to think about in these times.
is the things that I made myself feel. or think.
the things that I caused to bring me down.
then when blaming myself. it wouldn't involve other people.
it wouldn't be an incident.
it would be me.
my imagination.
my paranoia.
my lonliness.
but not anything tangible.
i put myself down enough without any outside help.
i beleive it was said something like this.
"why are you so worried about your esteem around me?"
and i didn't know then. not really. i didn't think much of it.
i thought maybe i shouldn't be.
but i care too much.
i care too much about what he thinks of me.
i could care less about most of the rest of the world.
he is probably one of the only people whose opinion i care most.
care absolutely.
and i probably shouldn't take things so seriously.
but when someone like that. says something.
i know they're kidding. but. i think.
maybe it's true. even if they don't know it really is.
and when i do something stupid.
it always comes back to bite me in the ass.
for months at a time.
and it never goes away.
and so i can't try anything.
new or different.
because i'm so afraid i'll be dumb.
and screw it up.
or get myself hurt.
:P physically or otherwise.
some phrases i live by.
it is always my fault.
I am always wrong.
and
"i'm just a sensitive girl"
today sucks.
i'm cold.
i was sick this morning.
pudding is a killer.
so i'm gonna blame it on that.
oh. and those shoes you showed me Blooze, :) kickass!!
i saw those, WORK OF ART.
3 comments:
satin in a coffin, is indeed ojne of my FAVES.
did you hear it on my page?
prolly not.
sometimes, blogs dont update.
it didnt say you updated.
and its not self pity day
you LIE
chris didn't say it was!
and, i noticed, you rarely used an emoticon, i impressed.
and there is nothing i really know what to say, because, i don't know what to say, but i'll listen.
sorry.
lol XD
actually i DID hear it on your page :P
and it got stuck in my head. lol
maybe chris didn't HAVE TIME TO ALERT PEOPLE THAT IT WaS
lol
:P why thankies love. XD it was probably really hard not to. but i don't remember :P
:) you don't gots to say anythin :PP not much you can.
:) thank you for listening.
:S but if we're both just listening.
D: it's gonna be hard to talk.
XP what, we wave our arms like mimes???
we'll figure it out :P
Chris makes videos! he made one last year about self pity day!
U LIE!
i can wave
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