there is no beautiful garbage, they cleared it up already

i feel like i need a cigar.


i don't think the comforting part about a cigarette. is that it simply calms you down. because of the nicotine and stuff. (proven that i actually makes you more nervous in the long run. XP but like people can believe that.)
i really think.
that it's the act of smoke.
filling your lungs.
ya.
it's s***.
and it's gross.

but when you feel like you can't breathe.
or like. you've gone through something like something that scared you
or shook up your nerves.
even a non-smoker will light one up.

my point is.
its the feeling of tangible substance filling your lungs.
because. when you feel like you can't breathe.
the air seems really invisible.or even when it's like. hot out.
you can't feel the air fill your lungs.
so it's comforting to know that there's something there.
and it's actually doing something.

and that your going to be okay.




(from another post i read. it was beautiful. but it's true. after you cough. or inhale smoke :S, the air. it tastes sweet. and beautiful.)





i don't smoke.
i don't plan on it any time soon.
i don't like this feeling.
i feel better now though.

wanna go to the movies or link arms as we skip down the sidewalk anyone?

no?

... ya. i thought as much.

this is something i have to do for myself.

Five days ago. almost a week ago. I watched the late twilight twist back into brightness. Never have I witnessing such a thing, I played with time for four hours.
Coincidentally, since the cold winter months ended in July, it was my first visit back to the sea. Though I cannot swim (and never have), I did not cringe as the cold water hit my feet, but embraced the waves.
but it was Three in the afternoon, And after only almost two hours of my new found
____, the stars were out. The Mouse marched home.



When the sun rose. Mouse knew what he had to do.
The ocean did not come without a price.
scared and fragile. Mouse journeyed deep and was almost there.
but terrified, the mouse hid behind the truck. and sat.
inside the mouse shivered, and panicked. Though, on the outside he was silent.
finally. after a half hour of waiting. He plucked the courage to go inside.
but at the mouth of the entrance, it was silent. but being a mouse. even that scared him.
Mouse(trap) turned tail and ran. He ran wildly away, and collapsed out of breath on the dirt.
Wallowing in his sorrow he sat again. Ashamed and alone.
Mouse trailed home, sulking. but sleep flooded easily as he whispered to himself, "i just want a hug..."

change your lover.

"nothing's really wrong around here."

So, heart pounding, hands shaking. He jumped into a vast new world awaiting him. With the click of a mouse(trap), it was set. He knew what might await him, yet at the same time, fear and adrenaline taking grasp of his throat. for the unknown. He knew that there was no turning back. There were only sidesteps, which he wasn't about to chance upon. Head held high, he set out creating a home in this new world. A light that would beckon forth [hopefully] growth and self-realization.
As if reborn. M awakes confused, and not knowing anything. Only surviving on instinct.
Opportunity takes hold.

With this new world. He was given a new name. mouse(trap) IOU.




I am "M".
i like pants .. and shoes.
imma REAL MAN. :) :P

this will be something.
this will be change.