i like when people pay attention when i'm trying to say something.
but sometimes i grab unwanted attention.
but maybe i'm trying to get that.
i dress with too much cleavage sometimes.
or i'm extra radical sometimes.
i think maybe it's to grab attention.
to grab his attention.
and like, snipe it from everyone else :P
maybe he'll get jealous when they pay attention to me.
maybe he'll stare, and know that that's his.
not that i think i'm great looking.
but..>> guys and boobs.
you know. LOL
and maybe when he knows that's his.
he'll stare. and maybe he'll stand next to me.
bein all possesive XD :P or something. maybe just standing even.
i try hard to impress people.
then i relax after a bit. if i think they like me.
then i say dumb stuff. and do dumb stuff
:P and then they think i'm a freak.
XP somebody giving you a slight smile
and like, nodding hello in the hall.
doesn't mean start waving your arms up and down
and cocking your head in weird directions
going "what? WHAT!?" because you think it's cool or funny >>
<<
apparantly.
of course it comes back to this but.
on saturday i went out.
with girls.
and like, ones brother and friend and ones friend.
they weren't expected though.
but anyways.
maybe he thought girls night.
grey COULD have come.
but i didn't ask.
because he always says.
how he doesn't want to hang with those people.
he's even said no before.
he'd rather not hang out with me.
than hang out with those people.
and that really sucks.
he'd rather not be around me.
lol :P i basically feel like i'm talking to you.
XD nobody else really reads my blog anyways
:P so i thought i'd say
I love you katt :)
but sometimes i grab unwanted attention.
but maybe i'm trying to get that.
i dress with too much cleavage sometimes.
or i'm extra radical sometimes.
i think maybe it's to grab attention.
to grab his attention.
and like, snipe it from everyone else :P
maybe he'll get jealous when they pay attention to me.
maybe he'll stare, and know that that's his.
not that i think i'm great looking.
but..>> guys and boobs.
you know. LOL
and maybe when he knows that's his.
he'll stare. and maybe he'll stand next to me.
bein all possesive XD :P or something. maybe just standing even.
i try hard to impress people.
then i relax after a bit. if i think they like me.
then i say dumb stuff. and do dumb stuff
:P and then they think i'm a freak.
XP somebody giving you a slight smile
and like, nodding hello in the hall.
doesn't mean start waving your arms up and down
and cocking your head in weird directions
going "what? WHAT!?" because you think it's cool or funny >>
<<
apparantly.
of course it comes back to this but.
on saturday i went out.
with girls.
and like, ones brother and friend and ones friend.
they weren't expected though.
but anyways.
maybe he thought girls night.
grey COULD have come.
but i didn't ask.
because he always says.
how he doesn't want to hang with those people.
he's even said no before.
he'd rather not hang out with me.
than hang out with those people.
and that really sucks.
he'd rather not be around me.
lol :P i basically feel like i'm talking to you.
XD nobody else really reads my blog anyways
:P so i thought i'd say
I love you katt :)
4 comments:
:' aw.
last line.
i was just wondering, through this whole b log
'is it weird, knowing he'll read this?' does he still read this?
i like the attention.
im nothing without the people, to be honest.
its sad.
you'd think i was all put together,
but if i didnt have the peopel,
i'd have nothing.
its 9pm, and im gonna be baking cookies again for school.
and i understand, about grabbing the attention.
even tho it silly, and online,
i'd still do it to wolf,
i'd do everything.
lather attention on him,
ignore him,
be mean to him.
i think he liked it when i was mean to him.
Secrets tho.. is that I never felt that way at all. I only did it, because.. he.. he'd give me attention and when i'd ignore him, he'd try to get my attention.
but i never felt that way at all.
PROPS ON GUYS AND BOOBS LOL.
>_> i should tell you about rich.cheese today..
he rubbed his like face in mINE.
!!!
that'd make me sad,
if my man,
didnt want to be with me.
even if it was wif ppl he hated.
i'd do it for him.
i always did it for him.
and thats why i always thought
'maybe hes not into this as much as i am. ' or 'maybe i love him more than he does me '
i dont know.
:P he says he reads sometimes.
but.
i just don't care anymore.
if he reads.
he'll kinda know how i feel.
even though everythings probably intensified at the wrong moments :P
sometimes i get over what i say really fast.
but sometimes i kinda WANT him to know.
maybe he'll talk to me about it one day.
maybe he'll show that it matters to him that i said these things. and that he wants to fix me.
but he can't always fix me.
he'd give up if he had to :P
some things are just made bad :P
people liek cookies. they must make them smile. and then they might make them feel special.
don't make them only like you for your cookies kay hun?
even though i wouldn't blame you.
:P i'd kinda get it.
i know you never felt that way.
you just wanted to feel like his number one.
XD :P and WHAATT!! RICH!
COUGH
AHA! HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?!
i've always done it. i just didn't care. as long as he's around.
it might be why i get paranoid about our relationship sometimes.
i just like to know he cares.
i forgot to add in blog.
sometimes i try to be self-destructive.
to make him worry.
cuz it shows he cares.
i'll go out for a walk late.
he used to try to make me not go.
cuz of the natives and drunks. i usually end up walking alone and on the bad side of town :P
i want him to tell me not to drink.
so i'll probably try to go to more parties.
and he'll say no to comming of course.
but i'll do it.
and he won't want to hear about the party from me.
but he'll have a conversation with everyone else from there.
and i want him to hear it from me.
i'm talking to him right now.
andd. in this last ten minutes, he's made more of an effort to respond to me than the rest of the night. and i ask questions.
so now i don't think it's just that i'm not trying.
i want him to talk.
:P
LOL i'm gonna stop talking about this last part. XD :P
it's makin me sad. XD :P
i don't care what you say,
just. :P lol, i'm not gonna talk about that last paragraph.
cuz. :P i don't want to worry about it.
I'd b embarressed maybe a bit if my man read it, but in the end, I'd want him to know. I secretly did that anyways. :)
dosnt it make you sad that he gives up? Even tho you know he will, I have the times, where you wait and see anyways, because "maybe this time it'll be different"
maybe. [then]
someday.
i dont make them so they like me,
i only give it to them if me and [them] are already friends.
I dont bribe ppl :'
so you see, it always makes me happy when richie asks me for hugs, but then, he'll always ask someone to join that hug.. which is weird. maybe he not want to lead me on? but i never let on that i like him like that >_> .. um.
so he asked for a hug, and he was sitting, because i was leaving.
and hes sitting. . .
and im standing, he extends his arms, and like, um, so i walk over to him, and his like, faceee is right in my boobal area, but he turns his face, as if he resting it on 'them' lol.
and he all 'dylan come get some of this!' and dylan comes from behind really fast, which pushes richie into them more, and i think he just turned his face ahahaha and he started going crazy.
then after he said 'i was drowning!'
like um!
i overthink my relationships too.
like because of the previous paragraph, i'd think he liked me, but he dosnt.
i understand you ponts.
like, i'd say crap like
'i suck at life' or 'im running away forever' just so wolf would tell me not to, and that, i was awesome. i know it seems petty.. but i only did it to him.
i feel like..
like hes always under a test with me, that he cant pass, no matter how many times i give him bonus questions, you know?
do you feel that way? it might b diff for you and greymatter.
you dont need to talk about the last part.
maybe i already know.
im sorry if i made you cry.
it does kinda disappoint me.
like.
i want him to fight.
to just know that he's willing.
but like you said at the end there like. it's like a test he can't pass, he can't finish. cuz there's more questions. and they're always the crappy ones you never studied for. :P
and you have really good answers for awhile. but when you realize you've only done a third of the test. your hope just kinda fades. and you just want to finish it.
whoa.
uh. i don't wanna think too deep about what i jsut said XD :P
cuz. i dunno.
XD i don't realize what i said. or if it applies.
i know you don't bribe people :P
yer too good for that.
AHAHAHA :P
LOL " I WAS DROWNING" XD i laughed XD grey looked over :p and was all " whaat????"
:P AHA XD :P
but ya. :S mixed signals. and cuz your attracted, certain signals only get through to you XP
:S it sucks.
i say things like "i'm a failure." or crap. :P
XP cept i kinda mean it sometimes. and that's just how i feel. or i'll say dramatic stuff that i don't really mean like "i'm gonna move outt!" :p
and sometimes i just want some comfort. and him to jus tell me it'll all be okay.
or a hug.
huggs are hard when your online :P
usually he's pretty sweet. but i say crap too like.. >> questioning how he feels about me.
cuz i'm dramatic like that.
and he has to think about what my words make him feel too.
and that sucks.
because i hurt him.
and so he can't really be like "i love youu babyyy" :p which he doesn't say XD :P but you knowwww.
:P and so.
uhh... i don't know anymore XD AHA
:P
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