morning. i wake up. i'm so stiff i can hardly move.
when i do at almost seven.
my knees shake.
and my arms are weak.
i'm weak.
and getting to the laundry room was a chore.
let alone turning on the dryer.
and it was so loud.
i then realized i might end up with a timeline to do my LAUNDRY.
i already had one for my showers :S
it took forever. and all today. i just.
pain? XP kinda.
i sat down alot.
tried not to move.
i was a b****.
maybe i am in a mood. i hope it's not permanent.
caz. i'm always in a mood then it seems :S
and when i hear that.
my mood gets sad. and i feel horrible.
anyways.
my knuckles are bruised.
i couldn't punch things today.
but i did.. a lil.
i have a new problem.
i punch things.
it's not good.
it's just.
hurting myself. without much damage.
today i had a detention.
today i skipped the first block.
first time. EVER.
i sat on the sidewalk. on a corner. and i just sat there.
waiting for it to be over.
and i was happy.ER.
than i would have been if i went to class.
god i hate that class.
i speak English. not french.
people ask me if i'm okay.
people ask me if i'm depressed.
people say that i look sad.
but i'm happier than i've ever been.
with some things.
just.
not my mother.
and not that class.
some people. can just bring you down with a word.
and some people. make it their job to tear you down.
just cause they can.
(the latter. is the worse i've come to find)
i don't have time for anything. yet i have too much alone. and like. i need to do more.
i need to fill up the space where i can sit and think.
i can't think. it's not good.
i need a trip to over the hill.
i wanted to go up with Grey.but.. XP i don't even know if he's interested.
and we both don't have money :S
maybe we'd hang wif berdie.
i hope he'd like hangin wif katt too.
pete would come. caz he's been talking forever about goin to pg with him.
but.
:S
i think i'm jealous.
i think i'm jealous of pete.
sometimes i feel he gets all the spotlight.
i get the kiss.
but he gets everything else sometimes XP
but mice are dumb.
you ignore those rodents.
kay?
mom freaked at me.
not cuz i missed class. (told her i was jus late though)
caz i wanted to drop french.
even though i'd take it up in grade 12.
and randomly she brought up piercings and tatoo's.
ahem. i want some. of both.
like. nothing major.
cept like. a lip ring i guess is kinda major. XP
everything else would be acceptable and small.
but she says.
she sez.
"you want it for the attention? you think it'd be cool?"
and i thought about it.
and maybe i do.
maybe that's why i color my hair and stuff.
i always tell myself that's not it.
that it's because I wanted to do it because I liked it.
but maybe it's deeper in my head. and like.
subconciously. maybe down there.
i want to be noticed.
i want to be liked.
i want to be loved.
even though. :S i get all weird when people compliment me.
and gifts too XPP.
nobody can do anything for me.
i must be aiming for self-misery.
because i can't do it alone.
but i don't think i deserve more.
am i as good at pretending as i seem?
or am i believing my own horrible lie?
when i smile. it's usually honest.
but sometimes. it's to make everyone else happy.
but it seems that i'm not as good at it anymore XP
or maybe i want people to worry.
maybe i want them to know.
maybe i'm one of those people. who cry out. and then start to cry out so much. everyone just hates them. caz they so whiney. i'm whiney. hate me?
i'm not ready for my guitar lesson tomorrow.
i'm not ready. i need to practice more. i'm not perfect.
i'm never perfect.
i need to be perfect.
i have to grin and bear it.
i hate it.
i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrow.
i hope it bleeds all day long.
our friends say it's darkest
before the sun rises.
we're pretty sure they're all wrong.
i hope it stays dark forever.
when i do at almost seven.
my knees shake.
and my arms are weak.
i'm weak.
and getting to the laundry room was a chore.
let alone turning on the dryer.
and it was so loud.
i then realized i might end up with a timeline to do my LAUNDRY.
i already had one for my showers :S
it took forever. and all today. i just.
pain? XP kinda.
i sat down alot.
tried not to move.
i was a b****.
maybe i am in a mood. i hope it's not permanent.
caz. i'm always in a mood then it seems :S
and when i hear that.
my mood gets sad. and i feel horrible.
anyways.
my knuckles are bruised.
i couldn't punch things today.
but i did.. a lil.
i have a new problem.
i punch things.
it's not good.
it's just.
hurting myself. without much damage.
today i had a detention.
today i skipped the first block.
first time. EVER.
i sat on the sidewalk. on a corner. and i just sat there.
waiting for it to be over.
and i was happy.ER.
than i would have been if i went to class.
god i hate that class.
i speak English. not french.
people ask me if i'm okay.
people ask me if i'm depressed.
people say that i look sad.
but i'm happier than i've ever been.
with some things.
just.
not my mother.
and not that class.
some people. can just bring you down with a word.
and some people. make it their job to tear you down.
just cause they can.
(the latter. is the worse i've come to find)
i don't have time for anything. yet i have too much alone. and like. i need to do more.
i need to fill up the space where i can sit and think.
i can't think. it's not good.
i need a trip to over the hill.
i wanted to go up with Grey.but.. XP i don't even know if he's interested.
and we both don't have money :S
maybe we'd hang wif berdie.
i hope he'd like hangin wif katt too.
pete would come. caz he's been talking forever about goin to pg with him.
but.
:S
i think i'm jealous.
i think i'm jealous of pete.
sometimes i feel he gets all the spotlight.
i get the kiss.
but he gets everything else sometimes XP
but mice are dumb.
you ignore those rodents.
kay?
mom freaked at me.
not cuz i missed class. (told her i was jus late though)
caz i wanted to drop french.
even though i'd take it up in grade 12.
and randomly she brought up piercings and tatoo's.
ahem. i want some. of both.
like. nothing major.
cept like. a lip ring i guess is kinda major. XP
everything else would be acceptable and small.
but she says.
she sez.
"you want it for the attention? you think it'd be cool?"
and i thought about it.
and maybe i do.
maybe that's why i color my hair and stuff.
i always tell myself that's not it.
that it's because I wanted to do it because I liked it.
but maybe it's deeper in my head. and like.
subconciously. maybe down there.
i want to be noticed.
i want to be liked.
i want to be loved.
even though. :S i get all weird when people compliment me.
and gifts too XPP.
nobody can do anything for me.
i must be aiming for self-misery.
because i can't do it alone.
but i don't think i deserve more.
am i as good at pretending as i seem?
or am i believing my own horrible lie?
when i smile. it's usually honest.
but sometimes. it's to make everyone else happy.
but it seems that i'm not as good at it anymore XP
or maybe i want people to worry.
maybe i want them to know.
maybe i'm one of those people. who cry out. and then start to cry out so much. everyone just hates them. caz they so whiney. i'm whiney. hate me?
i'm not ready for my guitar lesson tomorrow.
i'm not ready. i need to practice more. i'm not perfect.
i'm never perfect.
i need to be perfect.
i have to grin and bear it.
i hate it.
i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrow.
i hope it bleeds all day long.
our friends say it's darkest
before the sun rises.
we're pretty sure they're all wrong.
i hope it stays dark forever.
4 comments:
punching things is bad,
its scary.
you might resort to punching faces :(
PUNCH BAGS, NOT FACES.
i had to sit for a while thinking what do people punch :P
you skipped first class eh?
is it that bad?
And you sat on the sidewalk,
which sidewalk? by the school?
UM, IS PETE HOT BTW?
is he the one that likes you?
mice can knaw through holes and make it their home. (theres meaning in that) :P
the lyric was the perfect conclusion.
you need some venting time.
but i want you to vent to me,
face to face.
maybe we can do that sometime,
when itsjust us :P
and then we'll go do something fun.
i'll plan a fun day for us sometime.
I dont like when you are sad,
but,
maybe you always were?
I dont think you have to do this all alone,
Maybe most of it,
but I wont let you do it a lone.
i'll think of something.
D: what if the faces are bags? like.. hag sorta bag.>>
:P lol
i don't think i could hurt someone intentionally XPP it'd take alot..
lol :Pp
i sat on a sidewalk. offshot from the school. XPP it was on the corner, by the elementary school beside us. like a block and a half away.
lol :P pete is Grey's best friend. he's sorta quiet. the guitarist for their band. he has nice hair? :PP lol :P pete wentz guyy, show u a pic one day. :P don't get ideas. he's got a girl. XD TAKEN.
no he wasn't one that liked me :P
;) i getchya. :) through. yes :)
we'll vent. :P but we'll be radical with it. we'll have fun :P
cuz yer infectious :P and i feel like smiling when i hang out with you :P
maybe i always was. :P but. it's all worth it. all for the good times.
and don't think you have to do everything. :) you're not alone either. i'm here.
cuz your a katt. and i'm pants.
someone has to wear them!
LOL HAG.
PETE
IF HES TAKEN,
DONT BOTHER BRINGING HIM ALONG
:P kidding..
.. >_> actually.. i unno
katt in a pants!
get better.
LOL AHAHA!
:P i unno if i have a choice!
XP
:P HAHA XD
ants are no fun. i'd rather have a KATT.
:) <333
Post a Comment