chocolate cow alive??? what???

man. i've been thinking about all the BEEP i eat.
and put into my body. like XP those
"chocolate covered coffee beans"
nudge nudge everyone :D :P even if you don't remember
and like. how i've been stuffing myself lately.
and with what.
and i'm really unhappy with my new habits.
i should have been named claire.
:P
"CLAIRE?!?!. that's a FAT girls' name."
" >:[ i'm NOT fat."
"well.. not yet. but you'll squeeze out a few puppys then
-makes bloating noises-
you see. there are two types of fat people in this world.
people who are fat their whole lives...
and then there are the people who were once skinny.
so when you look at them. you can still see the small
person inside of them..."
(BRKFST CLB)

:P

i need to stop procrastinating.
and stop complaining after i procrastinate.
and stop complaining that i'm a procrastinator XD

i don't have the discipline or anyone to support me
if i started to go to the gym.

options i thought up:
belly dancing
yoga
swimming
jogging
biking
ashamed to say that i SLIGHTLY .. possibly JOKINGLY
thought up getting an eating disorder. XP but the side effects
and unpleasantness... and lack of food. and discipline. XP
was just too much. i like food. :P
doing nothing and wishing it away.



well. XP there are downsides and unlikelyness to all of these options.
belly dancing - nobody would support it, i'd be alone, "people in it are retards", XP well.. i probably wouldn't relate to them and have annoying aquaintances :S, money :( (i hope that can be fixed soon) XP

yoga - people from different generations would be in the class, i'd feel dumb and alone, i'd feel like a condescending beephole for saying i go to "yoga". even though it seems kinda cool, money.

swimming - i'd get bored, i'd be alone, i'd smell like chlorine all the time, i'd slack off and probably not do what i set out to, moneyyy >:[

jogging - need good shoes, likely to ruin my joints/foot, XP i'd slack off easily, oh, and winter is comming soon :S

biking - winter is coming soon, i'd slack (like i have all summer)
doing nothing and wishing it away. - get lazier, might not work :P, costs money actually XD

any ideas?? choices??





groups of people intimidate mice. :S

i wrote this the other day.
"i felt like an obligation. or an afterthought. more than i did a priority.
and at parties. i felt like i'm being babysat. especially because.
i'm not good at interacting with people really. i've always been a loner.
i want to talk to people. i want to be ABLE to talk to people.
and i want to WANT to talk to people in a way too.
when i open up to anyone. i just. feel like they don't wanna hear it.
because nobody really does. nobody wants to listen to someone so pitiful.
nobody want to feel obligated to help. or get drawn too far into it.
and nobody wants to see that you're sad. nobody wants to realize there
isn't a sun.
mann i'm an oversensitive little ****."




ever notice when someone is politely asking you to leave?
or you think they are?
:S it's weird.
especially if you don't know.
and it probably would hurt if they just plain asked you to leave.
like being thrown away.
but when they're polite. XP then it's awkward. because you're not sure.
is there a way to tell someone that they should leave nicely?
:P i don't really think so.
and i suck with hints XPP



forever competing for that moment of self-grandizing glory.